Coveting
by Princess Alexandria
Summary: Jean found out about Emma and Scott's affair. When she confronts Emma she finds out something else that changes everything. Femslash... How it should have gone with the love triangle. Makes more sense if you follow New Xmen.
1. Chapters 1 to 3

Coveting

By Princess Alexandria

Princess_alex24@hotmail.com

_A/N:  This makes a lot more sense if you are familiar with the New X-men storyline, especially the Assault on Weapon Plus and Planet X storylines.  I borrowed some scenes and dialogue directly, along with characters, a world… all the typical fanfiction thefts.  Suing me would be fruitless.  My one main possession is my computer and that wouldn't pay for the lawyer._

_A/N:  There be femslash here as I try and fix what the writers did to the Jean/Scott/Emma triangle.  Really, like he's worth all the fuss.  Here is how it should have gone…_

***************

CHAPTER ONE: Confrontation

She slept with my husband.  It may have only been in their minds, but it was real.  She did this right under my nose in spite of the bond I share with Scott.  She'd gotten him to talk when all I was getting was silence.  While all this was happening I held my tongue and kept telling myself he'd never do that to me; that my fears were paranoid nightmares.  I was a fool, and she helped to make me that.

Children had to tell me what was going on with my own husband.  Children I taught.  I felt like the lowest, blindest fool when they contacted me and gave voice to my fears.  That my own students knew of this shame before me was humiliating.  I hated them both for that.

I confronted them.  I don't know what was more shocking, seeing my husband doing that with another woman, or seeing Emma wearing my old outfit while they did.  Most men want to forget about their wives while sleeping with their mistresses, so of course Scott goes the other way.  I didn't know what to say about that, so I said nothing.  He managed to find a way to punish himself with the guilt while still doing the act.  Only my Scott could manage that.

My Scott.  Right.  I just have to shake my head at that bitter thought.  He loves me, he has ever since we were young, but he never has been fully mine.  He holds himself back in everything, and still manages to make me feel like he isn't.  But I see it now.  He always has held himself separate from me, and he's always wanted more.  Maddie, Betsy, and now Emma.  All men wander, that's what I've heard, but I didn't want to believe it of him.  I shared my soul with him and I've been getting nothing back lately.  

I'm not an idiot, in spite of my blindness.  I know what's going on, but I'm helpless to stop it.  It's over.  I wanted to hate her, I wanted to feel like hurting her would make it better.  I wanted… I wanted to blame her for this.  Blame her for the awkward reactions I get from people I've known for years when I walk in the room.  I wanted to blame her for the whispers behind my back, the pity as people think about what a victim I am.

It's because I wanted to hate her that I marched into that room and blocked the door.  Wanting to hate her lead me to shove into her mind rougher than I normally ever do, rougher than I do to most of our enemies.  I liked her fear as she trailed after me begging for mercy as I tore through her mind… I liked it until I suddenly didn't.  I went in there to punish her, to terrify her, so why did I stop to reassure her I wouldn't hurt her while I continued my tour?

I finally met her, that's why, and I was stunned by what I saw, not that I let her sense that.  Her mask, the one she wears around everyone sinks into her mind and I had believed the mask.  I had no idea someone else was inside of there.  Her skill at hiding that was remarkable.  I've known Emma, mostly as an enemy, for years, but until that moment I don't think I'd ever met her.  I actually felt a little ashamed of the compulsion I planted in her mind to be honest with me.  To explain the scenes she was showing me of her life, because then she was.  Completely honest, in both word and emotion and I felt it all.

I started to like her and that helped me hate her.  How dare she be more than I thought!  How dare she be…  I found the hate I was looking for and it gave me the strength to hurt her.  Her biggest weakness is her guilt over the death of her students and I grabbed onto that and dragged it into the light.  I felt victorious as her pain grew, her helplessness grew.  I felt like a sadistic child tormenting a helpless puppy, all full of power and anger.  

This wasn't about Scott anymore, so it was a shock when he showed up.  I had her on the ground and she was still fighting.  My power is easily far beyond hers, but her determination pulled her out enough to talk back, to try and defend herself.  I found more hate because I admired that about her.  I shouldn't have to like anything about my husband's mistress.  It wasn't right.

My angry words with Scott blended with my feelings of anger and hurt.  I don't remember most of what was said by either of us.  What I do remember was looking over at Emma sitting on the ground, almost cowering, with tears running down her face.  I did that, and I felt ashamed.  I felt like going to her and helping her up, because the White Queen shouldn't be looking like that and the impulse to help her shocked me.  Brought me back to myself.  I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't.  This wasn't her fault.  I accused her of using Scott's vulnerability but in looking at both of them, I realized it was the other way around.  Scott had used her and she was so desperate for love, for affection, that she'd allowed it knowing full well what he was doing.  I pitied her.  I had to leave the room before I ruined my huge scene by apologizing for myself and my husband.  Scott at least had the good sense to leave before I could turn on him, but at that point I was beyond anger.  I'd burned it out with the Phoenix force, and my mind was clear.

I ignored the Professor's fearful questions, marched past Logan and left.  Even the Professor didn't catch the subtle push I did on Logan to keep him from rushing after his bike or me.  I pushed him to stay there and comfort Emma, because I couldn't do it myself.  That fool woman fell in love with my husband.  Didn't she know he was poison?  He sucked the life out of everything, out of both of us.

He is out there somewhere, most likely getting drunk and thinking about how this affects him and only him.  I love him, and he's my best friend, but his selfishness is stunning.  It was one thing when it was just me, but as I watched Henry putting the pieces of Emma's body together I knew it isn't just me anymore.  She loves him, and he walked out on her when she needed him most.  That's when I knew.  He was poison.  This link I made with him when I was young is for life, but I need to let him go.  He has to grow up, and I can't do this anymore.  I'll ask Warren for the name of a good attorney, but I'm sure that Scott won't make this ugly.  He may be selfish, but his guilt keeps him honest in some ways.

Emma died today.  The same day I realized I loved her.  Bishop, if you think I killed her you just have to look into my heart and you'll know.  I couldn't.  I can't even cry, because she was right.  I claimed she was the cold one unable to feel, but it's me.

********

CHAPTER TWO: Kiss

This is where she died.  I walked to the window and just stared out at the nice summer day.  Regret is a powerful emotion, and apparently I'm still able to feel it.  Emma was wrong, I didn't forget all my emotions.

The last thing I did to her was torture her.  She died before I had a chance to apologize.  With a heavy sigh I moved to open the curtain wider and let in cool air.  "Emma."  I spoke quietly, fully aware I wasn't supposed to be in this room.  It was still a murder scene.  "I'm sorry."

When I turned to leave I noticed a light from under the couch.  Something shining.  I moved to kneel on the ground and reached underneath to grab it.  Her lips.  The ache in my eyes came with a flood of tears as I held them in my hand staring at them.  

I don't know what possessed me, but I carefully took those lips between two fingers and raised them to my own.  A gentle kiss, the only one I'll ever get from her.  "I'm so sorry."  I whispered into those lips.  A wave of nervous embarrassment hit me after I did that, but there were no witnesses.  "We really are a mess aren't we Emma?"  I moved to sit on the couch while I stared at those lips.  "We could be our own soap opera."  I swallowed hard and took a deep breath.  "I'm divorcing him.  It isn't your fault, you just made me realize it was time."  The silence was hard to deal with in this room.  It already felt like a tomb.  "I would have hated it Emma, but I would have rather you lived and took my husband than this."  A fresh wave of tears fell.

It took a while to clean up and walk into Henry's lab with my find.  I made sure to sweep the area more carefully and found another small piece of her to go with it.  He was insane to think he could put her back together and she'd breath, but I understood why he needed to try.  Unfortunately we are more than just our bodies, and even if we could put her back into a whole piece, she is gone.  

He was grateful, and didn't mention the hint of lipstick on her lips when I handed them over.  I'd like to think he didn't notice.  I moved around the table, looking at her.  He'd done a miracle, she was nearly whole looking, but with painful ugly cracks that made it clear she wasn't just sleeping.  I moved to stare into her eyes, into her face, and let her brokenness haunt me.  It was instinct that made me try to reach her.  I honestly didn't expect an answer, but I got one.

"wait a second… Emma's consciousness is still clinging here."  I whispered in shock.  Once again her determination astounded me.  This woman was incredibly strong, and she was alive.  My eyes traveled over her broken form with a new purpose.  I took in the cracks, the tiny  particles that hadn't been placed in a home.  Maybe…

I looked up into Henry's face and remembered the conversation we'd been having.  I told him about the fake memory those girls planted in him, while working on my idea in my head.  I could see he was stunned by both my declaration that Emma still existed and the play.  

I ignored both as I turned to Emma and prayed that I wasn't making it worse.  If I couldn't fix it all her pain would be incredible.  The Phoenix rose up in me as I focused on her and Henry's fear became tangible.

"I know everybody's worried about me, Hank."  I glanced up at him and noticed the red glow on his fur from my fire.  "Everybody thinks the Phoenix Force is turning me into some kind of destroyer, but it's not like that.  I have trouble with the rushes, but I'm okay, really."  I had to ease his mind so that he could help me.  I had to make things up to Emma, and I couldn't do that if she remained dead.

"I think I can make things right here."  I pray I can.  "This isn't the first time Emma's been disembodied.  So I'm thinking I could maybe fuse the diamond molecules together telekinetically."  I take a heavy breath as I sense his hope.  "Maybe I'm over-reaching…"  I admitted that quietly.  

I had him help me by giving me his medical knowledge.  I sifted through it quickly and thoroughly as I moved the last pieces of her into place and worked to fuse her back together.  If she hadn't shifted to diamond form before she was hit there wouldn't be any hope.  I hope this is enough.

Even as she sat up and screamed out a name in pain I continued to work on the cracks.  She was moving, but I was holding her together.  If I let go for a second she'd fall apart all over again.  I'm not going to let her.  I calmed her mind while I had Henry give her a physical.  I didn't let go until he told me I could.  I wanted, needed that second opinion.

"Well, Sage is going to be disappointed."  I muttered stupidly as I moved to leave.  When she came too she didn't need to see me.  I went to go tell Bishop and Sage Emma told us who her murderer had been, actually I just went.  I sent the information to them telepathically and returned to my room before anyone saw me.  I needed to be alone.

********

Esme got away.  I could find her, hunt her down, and part of me would like that.  She was the one that did this to Emma and Emma was still in pain and healing.  She was also the one that thought it was a good idea to tell me about the affair, making me a suspect in the murder as well.

There's no time like the present.  I took a deep breath and pushed the door open with my hip while I held onto the tray with both hands.  My powers scared the others, and for this moment I'd cater to their fear.  "Well, Emma… I brought you lunch."  I glance over at the woman on the bed and can see some resentment.  Henry must have told her why she's still alive.  She didn't like that I was more powerful, not in a terrified of my power way, it was more her jealousy.  At least she hadn't been terrified of my power.  Time would tell if I'd changed that when I attacked her mind.  

Today is the day I have to tell her that Scott left us both and isn't on his way back.  Logan is missing too, and I doubt it's a coincidence, but Logan knew Emma was killed and if they are together Scott knows and didn't come back for her.  She deserved better from him, but she'd never get it.  I hope she can realize that before she makes a mistake and decides to take him, now that I'm making him available.

Is it too much to hope she'd notice I was available too?  I sighed quietly when I turn away from her to put her tray down.  It was probably way too much to hope for that she'd notice me suddenly.  If I want her to consider me, I have to give her a reason.  It took an effort to not chuckle at that thought.  She'd take it as an insult, not realizing where my mind had taken me.  I'm going to pursue the White Queen, my husband's mistress.  Jerry Springer would love to hear from me.

How much of this is wanting her and how much is wanting him to be alone for what he's done to both of us?  I'm ashamed to admit both come into play.

"I'll take you on a tour of the gardens when you are done eating."  I smile gently at her and can sense her cautious fear.  She's too weak to argue much.  I deserve that suspicion, but it isn't going to help my cause.  "No debating.  I'll be back in a half hour."  Henry glances at me when I leave.  I didn't really want to have this talk with Emma when he was around.  It would be awkward enough as it was.

********

CHAPTER THREE: Conversation

The sun glistened off of her diamond form as I pushed the wheelchair along the path to a private part of the gardens.  With summer here there were fewer students, and those few that were here I mentally encouraged to stay away.  I wanted privacy for this, for both of us.

Emma was silent and I could feel she was preparing herself from another argument.  Most likely my demands she stay away from my husband.  She was going to be surprised.

I pulled us up to a bench and stopped the wheelchair.  Emma hated using it, but she was still weak, and until we were sure the fusions I did were going to hold Henry had her on a tight leash.  She couldn't even shift back to her normal form until he finished studying the xrays he took of her to make sure a vital crack hadn't escaped my attention.  I made sure not to miss anything but wasn't willing to risk her life without having that second opinion.  

"Emma."  I spoke softly as I sat on the bench facing her.  

She'd been abnormally quiet as I pushed her here, so her voice was a welcome change, even though it was laced with anger.  "What, so now you've decided to attack me when I can't even stand?  Didn't you do enough when you crashed through my mind?  Must I listen to your judgment even now?"

My eyes hardened at her attitude.  Her disregard for the fact she'd been with my husband.  It took a moment for old habits of yelling back at her could be squelched before it ruined what I was planning here.  This was her mask, and now that I knew it I wasn't going to let her make me fall for it.

"No, that's not why I wanted to talk."  I continued in a softer voice, not letting any anger in.  "My anger should have been directed at Scott, not you.  It was him that cheated on me.  He's the one that betrayed my trust."  But instead I'd blamed her, just like I'd blamed Betsy before her.  It was so much easier if I blamed the women he wanted.  "I am sorry I attacked you.  You never ALLOWED anyone to die.  It was ridiculous of me to say it."  I had to apologize for that very low blow.  It wasn't like she neglected her students and they died, she did everything she could to protect them and it wasn't enough.  If it had been me I would have given up teaching long ago, but she kept going back to it.  She cared that much.

Her quiet glare held more than enough hostility.  "How gracious of you to apologize AFTER ripping through my mind."

"You did sneak around…"  My voice started to rise with her anger.  It took a lot to hold it back, but Emma's slightly startled look at the Phoenix flame in my eyes helped remind me to keep control.  "I made a mistake.  We both did."  I didn't want to scare her, but I had to reign it in a few times already and we hadn't even gotten to the hard part of this conversation.  "Emma, I'm having problems controlling the Phoenix force.  Usually I'm fine, but when I get angry it gets hard. Please don't provoke me just to get me angry."

"So we all have to bow down to the great Jean, and if we don't it's our own fault we get burned?  How convenient for you."  Emma's voice was filled with venom and for a moment it flared my anger, but just as quickly it stopped.  Only Emma wouldn't be afraid of me.  I just shook my head a little and fought the small smirk that wanted to come to me.  Everyone else was too scared to upset me.  They walked on eggshells around me.  Emma didn't.  

"It's no excuse.  I know that."  I sighed heavily and relaxed.  "Did you know this isn't the first time he's…"  I glance away, towards the soft clouds in the blue sky.  I felt ashamed that he cheats with his heart so easily, that he takes it so far, but this wasn't my fault either.  "Nevermind."

"No, I want to hear this."  Emma still sounded demanding.  Maybe she did have a right to know.  Maybe it would affect her decision.

"Whenever he isn't happy with his life, with himself, he starts looking at other women."  I glance over at her.  "I blamed Betsy, I blamed you.  Really the only common denominator is him.  I see that now."  

"Well, there is you too."  The look in her eyes made it clear she was insulting me.  

"Not anymore."  I returned to staring at the flowers.  "He's always in charge.  If it's an important decision I'm never allowed to make it.  He runs away and makes me worry until he comes back and informs me how life is going to change.  He's run away again Emma."  I turn to see she's a bit more pale than normal.  I hate to do this, but it has to be done.  "He left you when you really needed him.  Left you to deal with me, with being killed… if you plan to take him, get used to never being equal.  He's going to come back, make a brief apology, and tell you how your life is going to change."

"Me?"

"If you want him, you can have him."  It hurts to say that, knowing she could very well make that decision.  "I've filed for divorce.  I'm tired of it.  If he doesn't leave me for you, next year he'll meet someone else and I'll have to go through this all over again."  I sighed and leaned back on the bench, swiveling to that I rested on my elbows and my legs took up the rest of the room.  

"So you are tossing him away and I'm supposed to be grateful?"

"No,"  She wasn't getting it.  My voice got softer as I moved to sit up again and give her my full attention.  Not that she'd had anything less, but I made it clear she had it.  "Regardless of what you decide, I'm leaving him.  What you should be is smart, do you want a man that would leave you here with me?  Logan is missing too.  Scott knows you were shot and he isn't here.  I'm the one that helped you, and before that, I was the one planning your funeral.  That was me."

She is such a proud woman.  I turned away to stare at the sky when I noticed her jaw clenching, just to give her time to accept that Scott did that to her.  She loves him, and this is new to her.  My voice was very quiet, just enough for her to hear.  "He does things like that to me too.  He may very well love you Emma, but this is as good as it gets with him."

"I think I've had enough fresh air."  Emma's voice was cold.  I nodded and stood to take her back inside.

"I'll come by after breakfast tomorrow and we can take another walk."  I spoke as I started towards the building with her.  "You shouldn't be stuck in that medlab all day."

"Why are you doing this?"  Her suspicious nature was expected.  I looked down to see her looking over her shoulder at me as I pushed the wheelchair.

"I want to."  I gave her a smile, and didn't react when it wasn't returned.

"And if I don't want you to?"

I let my smile grow just a bit to annoy her, petty I know.  "I'll be by around nine."


	2. Chapters 4 to 5

**Chapter 4: Cutting Loose**

The clock radio started just moments after I'd opened my eyes.  My internal clock was still so set to his time that I couldn't have slept in if I wanted to, not that I wanted to today.  With a heavy sigh I rolled onto my back and studied the ceiling in our room as a haunting tune started to play.  It sounded soothing and dark, different from the normal songs I would wake up to.  It was a gently way to wake up.  Strange how his betrayal is the last thing I think about at night and the first I think about in the morning.  How long will it be like that?

I had time, lots of time, since he wasn't here to share the bathroom with.  His unplanned trips gave me freedom and spare time in the morning, and I used to feel a bit guilty about enjoying them.  Not anymore.  The soft sounds of My Immortal filled our bedroom as the sun crept closer to the bed to try and reinforce the idea that I had to face the day.

Tossing the sheets off of me, I still laid still to listen to it.  Wounds that won't heal, wiping away his tears… fighting away his fears, pieces of the lyrics seemed to call to me.  I started to see my own problems in a song.  I was always there for him.  He was my best friend and I supported him in everything.

When I needed support, when I was having problems dealing alone, he found someone else to share his fears with.  I just rolled onto my arms to get up.  It was a bitter lesson to learn how poorly I'd invested my love.  I didn't ask for these powers that scare everyone, but even my husband had pulled away from me when I started to scare them.  I never told anyone how much that bothered me, them asking like I was no longer myself, but some sort of body snatcher.  Even the Professor is telling people not to upset me because I might loose control.

I'm still stunned that he ran.  I find out he cheated on me and he runs off to work out of town for who knows how long, leaving before we can even talk about this for more than a moment.  He stormed into the room and then ran.  

I'm not waiting for him to come back to me this time.  I know he's okay, our link gives me that, but he doesn't call anyone to tell him he is.  It's a selfish thing to do, and I'd told him that the last time he disappeared.  I'd argued that if I'd done that he would have been just as mad as I was, and I'd asked him to call someone, even someone else if that happened again.  I gave evidence that it wasn't unusual for one of the Xmen to be captured and without that call we'd worry that he had been.  I'd argued for hours and he'd promised that no matter what happened he would never do that to me again.  Never make me wonder if he was stuck in a cage or about to be killed.  He still did it again.

As I brush my hair I stare into my own eyes, noticing how weary they look.  It's how I feel, run down, used, betrayed.  He was with me for years, but thinking back I realize that he hasn't been there for me in a while.  The loneliness was something I got used to, didn't notice, but it was there.  If I was lonely with him here, maybe with him gone I can fix that.  My mind travels to the blonde telepath that he'd left behind as he ran.  It's surprising that I feel so close to her, but after the way I went into her mind, touched her soul, even against her will.  Against her will, that still haunts me now.  I plowed through her like a bull in the china shop, barely paying any attention to her pain.  I never expected to care about her, but now I worry that she won't be able to forgive that.  

I plan to try and find out if she can.  I've already convinced Henry to let me take over helping her as she heals.  A slight smirk came to my lips as I remember his expression when I asked for that.  It fades a little as I remember how he'd made me promise not to hurt her.  He was just watching out for her and I couldn't argue that he shouldn't worry.  I'd already done enough to set precedent.  I could see why he'd worry, but the fact that it didn't take long to talk him into it showed some trust.  Someone trusted me to control myself even in the face of the antagonism we all knew the White Queen would toss my way.  That was a gift.  

Today I also have to drop by the lawyers.  I had the man mail me the papers and they were filled out.  I can imagine Scott'll act devastated when I give them to him.  I can already visualize how much he'll want me when I tell him I'm not doing this anymore.  I'm not waiting for him to make up his mind, and he won't like that.  I know why he isn't here, but how arrogant is it to think both women will just wait for him to make up his mind and come back to tell them who he wants.  

God, I don't want him to have her.  The idea of watching them together kills me.  I live here, they are on my team, I work here.  I wouldn't be able to escape it.  Not if I stayed.  The ache in my chest at the thought of leaving comes with a bitterness.  Why should I have to be the one to leave?  I wasn't the cheater, I…  I know he won't.  I know he shouldn't.  I hate knowing that if I do this, hand in these papers, I'll be losing much more than him.  

I've lived here most of my life, but this will take that away from me as well.  God damn him for this.  

********

As I promised I started down to the medlab after breakfast.  I had to ignore the questioning glance the Professor gave me as I did it.  I know this must look odd to people.  They don't know the half of it.

"It's a beautiful day."  I said cheerfully as I stepped into the medlab.  Henry glanced up from his research and took in my shorts and crop top.  It really was a beautiful day, but I normally wore more.  I could see his eyebrow raise, but thankfully he said nothing as I made my way to the side of Emma's bed.  I sent more quietly to his mind ~How is she?  Can she start walking yet?~

Prudently he kept his reply mental.  Emma wouldn't like my asking, but if she was well enough I want to give her a break from that wheelchair.  ~Keep it light, but I don't see any evidence of cracks.  She's just weak from the ordeal.  I told her to remain in her diamond form for another day before shifting back.~

"Well?"  I looked at her and noticed her expression.  I'm throwing off her expectations and the wary look my friendly smile gets is interesting.  "The garden or the lake?"

Emma glanced at Henry's back thoughtfully for a moment, then turned to me.  "Garden."  I just managed to hide my surprise.  I'd expected more of a fight.

The trip outside was still tense and quiet, like I remembered it.  Once there wasn't other people on the path, due to my creatively projecting an aversion to roses in peoples minds, Emma shifted a little in her seat.  

"So, what are you after?"  Emma's eyes narrowed after her.  "Your attack on me cost you your girlscout badge and you want it back?"

I lost some of my enjoyment of the sun for a moment as her comment stung, but I stared at her.  "I don't exactly have anyone else to be with right now, seeing as you stole my husband."  I wondered if I'd regret the bit of honesty I was about to exhibit.  "And you don't treat me like a shark that could start attacking anyone nearby at a moments notice."

Well, that certainly worked to make her shut up.  I continued pushing her wheelchair towards the garden as she moved to face forward again.  I'd run through her mind finding her secrets.  Maybe a little equality would help.  "The others are also nervous around me and try to leave as soon as possible because they don't know what to say to me.  I'm being shunned because Scott cheated on me."

"So you force me to be your companion on these garden strolls?"  Emma didn't manage to hide her surprise, but the cool mask she wore slid back into place.  "Is this my punishment?"

I smiled at her attempt at a jab, which wouldn't have sounded so weak if I hadn't toured her mind.  "You're a captive audience."

I let her have her silence as I moved to the bench again.  I could see she was deep in thought.  "Are you really divorcing him?  Everyone always talks about how you two are inseparable."

Everyone?  I start to wonder how many people knew about this affair before I did.  It isn't a nice feeling to think my friends and teammates had covered for Scott's indiscretions.  "I filled out the paperwork and have an appointment with a lawyer this afternoon."  It just feels empty when I talk about this.  "I'll still have that link, I can't break it.  I don't know how that will work."  I had to sigh.  That would be a nightmare.  

We stared at the flowers in silence again.  The cool breeze made the summer morning smell clean and fresh.  "I'll manage."  I didn't need to make her feel guilty, I'd already made my decision, and I knew it was the right one.

"Esme hasn't been found has she?"  Emma put forth a change in topic.

"No, she just walked out.  Sage and Bishop couldn't stop her and we can't find her now."  I didn't like how that little girl caused all of this and got away.  She was right here in our midst and attacked one of our own.  How do regular high school teachers deal with violence like that?  For one of Emma's students, her favorite students, to hurt her like that has to hurt on so many levels.  "You would have died to protect her and she repaid you by telling me about…"  I went quiet, wondering if talking about this was a good idea.  "It was them, they contacted me on my flight back.  From the sounds of it they weren't the only ones to know were they?" I should just let this go, but I suddenly felt betrayed by my friends.  They knew, I could tell by her slight stiffening that they knew.  "The other girls are asking about you.  They seem concerned."  I force my hurt aside as I allow her change of subject to stand.  "If you want visitors let me know.  I think you might have a few that would like to see you are alright.  Angel's feeling horrible that Esme used her to do that."  Teaching was Emma's life, so talking about her students actually seemed to relax her.  I continued to explain how Angel was a mother and how her children were doing.  We talked about how to deal with the needs for a facility to take care of children and the need to teach these kids how to avoid pregnancy in the future.  The school wasn't a place for infants but we couldn't turn Angel and her kids away.  All we could do was try to prevent this from happening again.

It was the least strained work related conversation we'd ever had, and I realized that it had been my distrust that had kept if from being like this before.  If she'd brought up sex ed classes a month ago I'd have assumed she wanted to teach our kids to be far too sexually adventurous for their ages, not that she was worried about unplanned pregnancies.  How much of the problems between us was because I never tried to believe in her change?  It was a sobering thought.

********

Later after the lawyer, I felt drained.  I walked in to dinner and could feel the eyes on me.  I also noticed that Emma had been permitted to leave the medlab for dinner this time, and the others all kept glancing from one to the other of us quietly.  Oh, they tried to be subtle, but it was pretty clear we were the dinner entertainment.  I glanced over to her.  "Emma, I was thinking that maybe we should work out a few lesson plans for the class we talked about earlier."  My voice was civil, friendly, and when Emma glanced up at me I thought for a moment I saw relief, which was covered quickly.  Maybe she didn't care for this type of attention either.  Our personal lives were public record, and the glares she'd been getting made the silent treatment I'd been getting seem downright friendly.  

"Perhaps after dinner Henry will be kind enough to let me go play."  Her voice held sarcasm as well as agreement.  I could sense the confusion from the people that didn't want to talk to me about this mess but felt free to glare at the other woman.  

It was a tense moment before Henry spoke.  "If you promise to rest if you get tired."  I had to smirk at his scolding tone.

The Professor was studying me again.  It irritated me how often he'd stare at me, waiting for me to do something bizarre.  Apparently this friendliness qualified.  "I found the proposal you both left on my desk, but when I went to find you Jean you'd left."  I could hear the question he wasn't asking.  Where was I?

"I had some business to take care of in town."  My voice was deeper as I tried to convey my desire to not talk about this at dinner.  Right now the only people I'd told about the lawyer were Warren who gave me his number, and Emma.  I'd like to keep it that way.

"I…see."  His tone was deadly.  I hate that he was so scared and suspicious.

"Did you remember the magazine I asked for?"  It was Emma's voice that turned the topic.  I glanced at her and tried to convey my appreciation with my eyes.  "I need to redecorate my office.  It… holds too many bad memories now."

"Maybe this time you can use some colors other than white."  I smirk at her.  The way my heart beat just a little faster when she gave me a subtle smile in acknowledgment of her help made me feel a bit better.  Strange as this was, it was her and I against the world in this one matter.  We only had each other to watch our backs, and I felt like it might actually be enough.  Scott didn't realize what good taste in women he had, but I did.  Her ability to turn the dinner conversation to interior design to keep it away from what I didn't want to talk about was nice.  Lately Scott wouldn't have even noticed I needed the save.  He didn't pay enough attention to me to see it.

**Chapter 5: Commiserate**

When I walked into the medlab in the morning I didn't see Emma.  A short scan showed me that Henry was giving her one last check up before releasing her.  I moved to the side of her bed and picked up the magazine I'd bought her the day before and started flipping through it as I waited.

Did I need new furniture?  As I studied a dresser it dawned on me that I might, but until I knew what I was going to do, where I was going to live, I couldn't really order it.  I glanced over to the doorway where Henry had Emma.  A lot was riding on Emma, on what she decided.  

I set the rose that I'd brought with me in the glass on her table.  It was a nice bud, partly opened and stood out in the drab room.  I know she loves white, but it was red.  I placed the rose and I left.  

My room, our room, had a pile of boxes in it.  I'd ignored the curious glances of the others as I collected the moving boxes and now it was time to do this.  When Scott came back I wasn't going to want to deal with this.  It's better if I do it first.  My problem was trying to figure out who was moving, and where to.

My optimism didn't extend to this, so I started pulling my winter clothes out of the closet first and putting them in a box.  I'd leave them boxed up so I'd be ready to leave if I needed to.  

When I got a knock on the door, I'd hoped it was her.  I felt a bit of hope, joy at the thought of talking with her again.  That made Warren's concerned face a bit of a disappointment.  "Jean?"  His voice was dripping with concern.  With a sigh I moved out of the way of the door and let him in.  He took in the boxes and my clothes tossed on the bed with a quick glance.  "Are you okay?"

I had to give him a small smile.  He was at least checking on me, my other teammates were waiting for me to come to them, while secretly hoping they wouldn't have to get involved.  "I think I have enough boxes.  It's going pretty well."

"He was an idiot."  Warren declared as if it were obvious.  "Everyone knows you two…"

"It's over."  I spoke softly, not wanting to hear once again how perfect Scott and I were together.  We were often held up as the one successful relationship.  I never told the others about the arguing, but distance, that it wasn't as perfect as everyone believed, because Scott was a private man and wouldn't have appreciated it.  

"Maybe you two can work it out.  From what I hear he never actually…"

"No."  My jaw tensed a bit as I fought the urge to talk louder.  "Emma isn't the cause, just the latest in a string of reasons."  I turned to put a sweater in a box.  My voice was quiet.  "I'd appreciate it if you told the others not to treat her like a plague.  This is just between us."

"But she…"

"He knew what he was doing!"  My eyes burned and I noticed Warren getting nervous as the fire of the Phoenix started to burn.  It took concentration to pull it back inside.  "He knew.  Scott was the one that cheated on me, not her.  I had no pledge of fidelity from her.  Put the blame where it belongs."

"Did you need help packing?"

"No."  I sighed as I looked at the job before me.  This was emotional, upsetting, I didn't need an audience for this particular pain.

"Where are you going?"  I turned to see his eyes looking at me, almost looking into me with their sympathy.

"For now I'm going upstairs, to the room by the attic stairs."  His lips thinned just a little as he nodded.  "I'll see you at dinner Warren."  I give him a weak smile.  "Thanks for being a friend."  I don't really think he knew.  He would have told me if he knew Scott was cheating on me.

"Anytime you need one."

After he left I spent a few hours packing, before I need a walk to clear my head.  This time I took it alone and I headed towards the lake.  It was a surprise to find I wasn't alone.  I hadn't even checked on her, wanting to give her space.  I watched the white clad form staring out at the waters quietly.  She looked somber, fragile.  She obviously believed she was alone or she wouldn't have let that show.

"Hi."  I spoke softly and pretended I didn't see her working to quickly cover up her tears as I started towards her.  Scott was a fool twice over to hurt her like this. "Looks like Henry decided you didn't need the wheelchair anymore."  He'd also allowed her back into her regular form.  The diamond glitter was absent as pale flesh took its place.

"You better be careful Jean, people might start to talk."  She turned to face me with a slight smirk.  

"They don't talk around here."  I knew it was supposed to be a joke, but it was a sore point with me.

Her smirk faded, giving her a more serious expression.  "Should I wonder why you appear to be stalking me?"

I took a deep breath and turned my eyes to the water.  "I wasn't.  I just needed to get out of the mansion.  This is where I usually come to think."

We both stood there in silence, thinking nothing.  Or at least I wasn't thinking.  I just stared out at the waters and wondered at the strangeness of my life.  "How is furniture shopping going?"

"Fine."  Emma glanced over and me and I could feel the studying gaze.  I didn't turn to face her and just let her continue.  "I'm waiting for Henry to clear me for shopping so that I can go pick up a few things."

"I could offer to go with you."  I glanced over at her.  Her suspicion was mixed with curiosity.  "I can promise him to make sure you rest if you need it."  I gave her a small smile and waited.  "I need a new dresser anyhow."  The room I was moving into was missing one.

She was quiet for a while.  "It would be nice to get out for a while."  I could feel the hope bloom in me.  I was so sure she'd turn me down.  "Perhaps we could leave around ten?"

"That sounds good."  I watched her stare out at the waters again.

"You do realize that the others will talk."  The smirk was barely visible from this angle, but I swore I saw it.  "You and I shopping together is going to raise eyebrows."

"It's really none of their business."  I took a step closer to her, but it was still too far to reach out and touch her.  "None of this is Xmen business, it's just between us."

"Well, the rumor mill is at full force."  Emma turned to face me.  "I heard you were packing."

I had to take a deep breath.  This was awkward.  "I figure moving out of our room before he got back would be less painful.  I don't want to have to do that with him watching."

"I didn't do this to hurt you Jean."  She sounded so human, the mask fell for a moment and I cherished that.

"I know."  I gave her a sad smile.  "I'll pick you up at ten."  I moved to start to walk away so she could have her privacy.

"Thanks for telling Warren to tell the others that this isn't their business."  Emma's voice followed me.  "The glares were getting tiresome."

I just nodded and stepped back onto the path towards the house.  The urge to tell her that if anyone bothered her about it, she should refer them to me came over me, but I kept quiet.  

I did notice she didn't mention the rose.  Maybe she didn't know it was from me, but I wasn't willing to invade her mind to find out if that was the case or if the idea made her so uncomfortable she decided to ignore it.  I'd grant her privacy.

********

With my powers I didn't have to ask for help moving my belongings.  Boxes followed me into the new room, one so close to Ororo's attic.  It was a shame my best friend wasn't here when I could really use her advice.  Of course given her feelings about Emma, perhaps it was best she wasn't around for this.  I'd never be able to keep Ororo from wanting to confront Emma, and I'd never be able to explain my own feelings.

I didn't sleep well that night in a strange bed.  The sheets were too cool, the room too quiet, and too empty.  


	3. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Consumers

I pulled the Jeep up to the door and waited. A mental touch showed she was on her way. I felt a smile cross my lips as she stepped out, dressed in jeans and a white short sleeve button up shirt that was actually a bit conservative for her. I'd gotten used to her uniform, which really left very little to the imagination, but she was right, shopping dressed like that would just cause problems. People would probably spend so much time trying to get a better look she wouldn't get any service.

"Let's get going before Henry changes his mind." She spoke as she slid into the vehicle. "I had to listen to a half hour on the evils of overextending myself."

I glanced over at her and took in the tired slump in her shoulders. "He really cares Emma. You were… Let's just say we all thought he was insane to try and…"

"Put humpty dumpty back together again?" Her voice was so casual as she talked about that. I don't think I'll ever be that comfortable with it. I glanced at her lips, which had a slight sneer to cover up her own fear about how close that was. Those lips I found under her couch. 

"Well, you've just joined the resurrected club. I'm the president." I give her a small teasing smile. "Dues are required to keep your membership in good order."

Her eyes softened just a bit before I turned to start the Jeep and move towards the gate. "So would a new dresser cover my entry fee?"

"It might." I glanced over at her and felt a small thrill at the searching gaze I saw. It was open, honest, and the lack of sarcasm to hide her real feelings made me feel like I'd made progress. "But I want a light wood, not white."

"And perhaps something with a bit more style to wear." I didn't let the irritation control me as she said that. I normally would take that as an insult, but I knew now that she was just like that. It wasn't personal.

"Well, based on the amount of flesh your typical wardrobe shows, I think I should pick that out myself." I smile over at her to make it clear I wasn't snapping at her. 

"I just don't understand you." She sighed with mock confusion. "You have the figure, but I've never seen you in less than full body armor." I pulled the jeep onto the main road. "Well, that's not completely true, you did have that one outfit that showed off your abs."

The silence was a bit too loud so I glanced at her and smiled. "Maybe a new wardrobe is called for. You have enough time to help me out with that?" My clothes weren't as bad and Emma indicated, but maybe something wilder would be helpful. Emma might like me in something more revealing, and with time really not on my side, I needed to push ahead with operation seduction or lose her to Scott.

********

I'd planned to buy a wood dresser that could also double as a makeup table, but as I followed Emma into her furniture store I realized there wasn't a wooden anything in there. I'd never seen a furniture store that nothing but the ultra modern style she liked before, but I guess I should have realized it must be out there, since the shops I normally toured didn't have anything like it. 

"The office furniture is over here." She indicated the path she'd be taking. "And bedroom furniture is in that corner." She pointed to the back corner of the large store. 

"I'll go with you." I was pretty sure I wouldn't find a dresser I'd like here so I might as well. She started down that path without questioning that and I gaped at the odd coffee tables and couches as I went past. Apparently what I'd considered her strange style could be worse.

"Have you considered painting the walls?" I asked as I walked beside her. "All that white in one room looks a bit sterile. A little color could do wonders." I was thinking a subtle color and the furniture here came in white, black or bright colors. I don't think anything I could see in the distance qualified as a soothing muted color. 

"I like all white, it's clean and crisp."

********

"What do you think?" I stepped out of the dressing room and did a small turn to show off the little red dress. 

"Oh, that's nice." Emma glanced over at me from the mirror she was looking at her own outfit from. White of course, but it was hugging her form very well.

"That looks very sexy." I nod towards her and kept my voice very sincere. It wasn't hard. I'd always thought Emma was beautiful, I just used to think her being a complete bitch counteracted it. "Maybe with your hair partly up…" I moved closer to her and carefully moved my hands under her hair, barely brushing over her shoulders as I took some and pulled it up loosely to show her what I meant. Her body was frozen for just a moment in shock before she covered it and looked into the mirror to see what I was doing. It took effort to not grin too flirtatiously as I held the hair in place. "See. That looks nice."

"So what you're saying is I should buy this outfit."

I swear I must be more possessed than I thought I was because I gave her a rakish grin in the mirror and leaned forward to talk into her ear. "Definitely, you look amazing in it."

Was that a hint of a blush? I moved back and slowly released her hair as she tugged on the skirt she was wearing. "Well, I think that exhausts this particular store out." She glanced at me and again I felt like she was staring just a bit longer than normal. I couldn't really blame her. I did get a bit obvious there for a moment. Her eyes traveled down to the small red dress that showed more than a hint of cleavage and came up high enough that I'd have to be careful how I sat in it. "Put that on my tab as well. You look good in red."

"You don't need to buy it. I do have a paying job." I wasn't sure how I felt about letting her buy everything. The dresser I accepted, because it seemed like a peace offering, but I wasn't about to continue that on. It wasn't a good dynamic, making her think she owed me. If I really thought she needed to buy me off for what she did, it would take a lot more than this, but I didn't. 

"Yes, but I have two paying jobs, and one pays a lot better than the other."

I looked right into her pale blue eyes. "You don't owe me." Her mask slid into place as she smirked at me.

"I just like shopping and spending money. I'm actually using you so I can do that. I do it all the time, ask Angel. She was my last project." Her eyes traveled over my body again, but it was only cursory. "You really do clean up nice."

"Thanks." I spoke softly acknowledging her compliment and the fact that I wasn't going to argue anymore. If she wanted to buy it I'd let her. She was right, it wasn't like she couldn't afford it, and I knew she had her own insecurities in relationships with people. Emma Frost learned when she was young that people liked you for what you could give them. It wasn't something that she'd get over quickly, but the fact that she was trying to buy my friendship indicated a change in our normally hostile relationship. She was going to meet me halfway in the only way she knew how.

And I used to think she threw her money around to prove she had it. Once again I was struck by how I'd managed to misinterpret her motives so often.


	4. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Confession

The next morning I stared at the bags I hadn't dumped after putting away my new outfits.  Once Emma got started she'd moved like a bulldozer through stores picking out clothes for me to try.  I honestly wondered if we would have made it home for dinner if she hadn't been weakened still.  

I picked the dark green shorts and crop top for the day.  The dark colors set off my pale skin and Emma had seemed to appreciate this outfit yesterday, so I ignored the part of me that knew the others in the house would be surprised to see so much of me.

I couldn't help smiling when I saw her sitting at the table waiting for breakfast a bit early.  The lingering glance at the clothes I wore made me feel like I'd started my day out making the right decision.  "Hey."  I moved to sit in the free chair across from her.  "When were the delivery guys supposed to come?"

"They told me between ten and noon."  

"Want some help clearing out your old stuff?"  I know it was showing off, but I took that moment to levitate a cup of water to me.  A small trick compared to what I could really do.  My telekinetic powers made me a very valuable mover and Emma wouldn't be afraid of me using those powers.  "I could help you do it in no time."

"If you want to spend your morning lugging things to storage…"  Emma shook her head and gave me a small smile.  

"Oh it won't take all morning."  I smirked, knowing I could do it all in one trip.  I was looking forward to seeing her face when I had her furniture marching out the door and down the hall all in a row.  Maybe I'd make them dance like the things in the Beauty and the Beast cartoon.  I let myself imagine it and projected it into her mind.  Her soft chuckle showed she shared some of my sense of humor.  

Her answering imagined scene of the staff trying to avoid the furniture and being forced to dance around it made me smile.

"Care to share the joke?"  A voice surprised me as Hank stood beside Emma's chair.  

"Oh, it was nothing."  I exchanged a glance with Emma to share a look.  We'd keep our silliness to ourselves.

He reached out towards the teapot to pour himself some.  "May I join you ladies?"

"Be our guest."  Emma answered with a straight face and I had to put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile.  Apparently she'd seen that movie.  He took the seat next to her.

After breakfast I followed her to her office.  I was walking next her talking when I sensed him.  The professor can around the corner, took one look at the line of furniture I was controlling and then back at me.  I hate that look in his eyes.  We aren't supposed to avoid our powers, and these powers were mine, regardless of how I got them.  "Jean."  He spoke with his hidden accusation.  

"I'm helping Emma move a few things."  I glanced at her and could see in her eyes that she knew he was judging me.

"Jean makes a handy pack mule."  She gave him a fake smile, a cold one.  "We need to get going.  I want all of this taken care of before the new furniture arrives."  

~thank you.~  I sent to her as we walked away.  We still had a while before the delivery happened, but it got us dismissed by the Professor to get back to work.

~I had no idea that it had gotten this bad for you.~  She sent back as we started up the stairs to the storage part of the attic.  Ororo didn't lay claim to the entire upper floor.

"Well, these powers come with a history."  I spoke once we were out of range from prying ears.  "One everyone is afraid I'll repeat."

"I'm disappointed."  She spoke and I had to glance at her.  I didn't follow that.  "This furniture hasn't danced once."  She pointed to the row of it we were following, and with that one small comment she restored my good mood.  I made her chair and couch do a little waltz to the wall before setting them down.  "Show off."  She said, but this time it didn't hold the jealousy I normally sensed in it.

"I try."  I smiled at her and just stood there, wishing it was appropriate to lean forward and give her a small kiss to show my appreciation.    

We went our separate ways until the truck pulled up.  This time I let the men do the lifting, even though it would have been easier for me.  I watched as Emma directed them to where everything went.  It was coming together nicely.  When the dresser she bought for me came in the door she had them put it in the corner.  I'd move that later.  We didn't want strangers wandering all over the mansion.  When they left I sat down on Emma's new couch, which was surprisingly comfortable for this style. 

"This looks good."  I glanced around the room.  It was still too white, but she'd already made it clear she liked it that way.  It was even more white than before.  Earlier we'd been busy moving things out, then moving things in.  This was the first time we'd just been in here without work to distract us.  I felt my tension grow as I thought about how it was less than a week ago that I'd marched in here angry with her, and even less time since I'd found her lips under the old couch.

Emma moved to sit on the new chair across from me and sighed.  "Jean, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This friendly act."  I didn't like how she glanced at the spot I'd tossed her to the floor when I came after her.  

"It's not an act."  But as I thought about it I could see how she'd be confused.  Why she picked now wasn't a shock.  This was a place with history for us.  "I told you that the Phoenix burns through lies Emma."  My voice was soft as I whispered that out.  I could hear her leaning forward.

"Yes, and you proved what an utterly contemptible person I really am."  I glanced up surprised at her words.  I brief touch before I could stop myself proved that she believed that.  I'd managed to rend her from her pride in that moment.

"No, that's not what I saw at all."  If she felt my touch she didn't say anything as I took a glance at what I'd done to her from her eyes, and it made me sick.  She believed she was shallow, which she wasn't.  She was manipulative, but I understood why she'd had to become that way now.  I'd judged her unfairly, and it had stuck.  "I am so sorry.  What you think you saw isn't the truth… it was what I wanted the truth to be."  I took deep breath, wishing we could have just moved on with our lives and never talked about this again, but it was a huge elephant in the room and if I ever wanted to get past it this needed to be done.  "I wanted to hate you Emma.  I wanted it so badly."  I looked up into her blue eyes.  "But I can't.  What I saw, what I felt,"  I wasn't sure how to phrase this.  "You are a remarkable woman, and I couldn't help but respect you."  She looked surprised so I went on.  "I like you Emma, and I hate that I've wasted so much time being so suspicious.  I want to start over."

"So you plan to play the good ex-wife and make friends with the new lady in Scott's life?"  Her words were a bit harsh and they hurt.  

"I was hoping for something else."  I stared her in the eye.  I had a feeling Scott wouldn't be gone much longer, and if I had to live the scenario she'd just painted it would hurt too much to stay.  "You still want him, after what he's done?"

"Well you did say he was a free agent now."  Emma didn't quite answer me.  I wondered if she knew the answer herself.

"I also said I was too."  The words were out of my mouth before I could think about it, but I managed to keep my own surprise off my face.  "Emma…"  I looked into her face, her searching eyes.  I wanted to just tell her yes, she was hearing me right, but it wasn't enough.  "Emma, when I was in your mind, I finally met the real you, and she's smart, caring, sensitive, and lonely.  I'd like to help with the lonely."  Scott and I had been together for so long, and before that I was the one that was pursued.  I felt awkward as I announced my interest and I had to just wait for her to speak.  

"That's what the rose was about?"  Emma showed no expression as she studied me.  I was a bit surprised that she was bringing that flower up now, when I was beginning to wonder if she even got it.

"Just consider it."  I spoke softly.  She wasn't ready for this talk.  I could see it now.  "I'm not the type of person that runs when things get hard.  Scott is a good man, but…"  I sighed.  Putting him down to win her wasn't very honorable.  I decided to stop going down that path now.  "He isn't your only choice."

"So is this a trick to prove to him that I'm not capable of being faithful, or do you just want to get one up on him by bedding his mistress?"  The voice was cold and controlled, and so very wrong.

"No."  I took a deep breath and tried to focus so that the Phoenix force wasn't brought into this.  "I went into your mind and felt… a connection I haven't felt in a long time.  You make me feel things Emma, you make me more human.  I was loosing that, you were right."  I could feel the tear travel down my cheek as I spoke quickly.  "When you were killed, I felt pain, hurt… I realized what I'd found and it was gone."  I stood up unable to fight the need to move around, part of me would love to move right out the door.  "You want to believe this is a plot don't you?  That this is all about him, but it isn't.  For me, Scott has little to do with us, except for the fact that he could come back, make some lame apology for leaving you and ruin any chance we might have had."  I wrapped my arms around me and took a shuddering breath.  "You have choices Emma.  That's all I can say isn't it."

I hoped that I hadn't just ruined any chance I had.


	5. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Confusion

I think the silence was what bothered me the most.  I stood in the middle of her office as she stood still, quietly looking at me and I couldn't read the expression on her face.  Years of hiding her emotions to survive made anything short of a mental scan useless, and if I tried that now I doubted it would help my cause.  I moved towards the window and stared out at the children playing in the grass.  I told her it was her game, so I resisted the urge to talk about it and just sighed.  "I guess I'll take the dresser up now."  I glanced at it, keeping the ache I felt off my own face as her silence lasted far too long.  I never did have a chance did I?

"Jean…"  Her voice was softer than normal so I turned to look at her and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen stared at me.  When I felt the light mental touch I didn't resist it.  I let her touch my thoughts, let her sense my sincerity.  Nothing short of that would have probably convinced her it wasn't a trick, that I really did care.  "I'll see you at dinner."  Was all she said when she felt it, my attraction, my love.  It wasn't what I'd hoped for.

"Sure."  I made a small motion with my hand and had the dresser floating out the door before me.  I was the model of control as I made my way to the room, past a few people. 

"Pathetic, that was truly pathetic."  I muttered as I shut the door behind me and shoved the dresser into place.  I ran my fingers through my hair with a heavy sigh.  One thing was certain, I could respect the men that went through this more now that I saw how hard it really was.  Baring your heart took courage and to get nothing for it?

Did I get nothing?  That thought started to bounce around in my mind as I distractedly unpacked a box and put the contents in the new dresser.  She didn't say to leave her alone, or that it was ridiculous.  She'd taken a peek into my mind, a gentle touch, then said she'd see me later.  What did that mean?

Puberty had spared me doubts like this, doubts other teenage girls had about relationships and what other people thought of them.  During that time my shields were so weak I always knew who liked me and who didn't.  Feeling these sick and twisting emotions now, I can see how good I had it then.  It would be so easy to just look, just for a moment, and I'd have my answer.  I'd know if I should keep trying or give up.  I can't do it though, it wouldn't be right.  Now I have to sit in my room and overanalyze five little words for hidden meanings.  How many meanings could "I'll see you at dinner" have?  And how many of those meanings are the ones I want to hear?

The roses in my hand smelled good as I walked towards her office.  I left the red roses on her new desk with a short note.  I'd deliberated over what to say for far too long until I decided on something simple, with love… Jean.  As I left the office I made sure to close the door.  Emma was probably already at dinner, and I didn't think she would have appreciated the entire staff finding out about this just yet.  I'll also admit that I didn't want this to be public knowledge.  

When I got to the dining room I was surprised to not see her there.  Normally she comes in early and leaves early.  I sat down and kept the chair across from me open for her.  It wasn't that hard.

"Sorry I'm late."  Her voice drew my attention away from my half eaten meal.  I'd started to believe she wouldn't be coming.  The strange looks while I waited made me decide to start without her.  I'd heard mental murmurs about how the whole Scott mess must have ruined my appetite, along with other pitying thoughts that I didn't care for.

She was tense, I could see it, but she took the seat I'd saved.  "I had to get some files for Charles from my office."  Oh, so she'd been there first.  I wasn't sure how I'd felt about that.  The plan was for the flowers to be after dinner.  The soft way she told me her excuse made it clear she'd seen them.

"You really shouldn't overwork just yet."  It was Hank's voice that answered her in his typical medical doctor scolding tone. 

"Really Henry."  Emma glanced at him, to my right.  "I think looking through my files won't tire me out too quickly."

"I heard you were moving your furniture."  He gave her a reproachful look.

"I didn't let her."  I spoke with a slight smirk, trying to be as normal as possible while wishing we were alone for this instead of making polite chit chat with Henry.  He was a dear, but I really wished he'd go research something at that moment.  "Don't worry, I won't let Emma get hurt."  I glanced at her and held her eyes just a little too long.

"Oh, well that's good."  He smiled and I turned to glance at him.  He was looking a little too long as well, but he smiled and I started to wonder how much he'd figured out.  

I debated with myself for just a moment before I reached out and took the teacup from the table and started to pour her tea.  Emma always had tea.  I set her teacup a little closer to her and gave her a small smile when she looked at me.  Henry's voice stopped for a moment before he continued his conversation.  Surprised him too, oh well.  

It didn't take long after that for Henry to decide to chat with someone else and leave me and Emma alone.  "I thought I had a decision to make."  She spoke softly, referring to my behavior.

"I figured it wouldn't hurt to petition for my cause."  If Charles hadn't come in shortly after Emma I would have been tempted to force our teammates attention away from us telepathically, but as is I knew we were the center of attention.

"The flowers look nice on my desk.  Thank you."  I was a bit surprised she said that here, with everyone listening.  

"I'm glad you like them."  My heart was beating just a bit faster.  I had the sense I was being measured up and it took a moment for the information I'd gotten when I'd taken that forceful jaunt through her mind to give me the clue I needed.  Scott never acknowledged her and even though she knew why it hurt.  She was probably seeing if she'd be my dirty little secret as well.  She was comparing me and Scott and I knew I had to do better.  It would hurt her if I couldn't, so I ignored the embarrassment I felt at the audience I knew we had and some of their confused thoughts as they wondered why I'd give Emma flowers.  "I was wondering if you'd like to go to Phantom of the Opera with me this weekend.  We could get dinner beforehand."

Her slight smile was so brief, but I felt my own joy at having put it there.  "I don't know.  Perhaps we could see about it later.  Henry would probably have a fit my going so far from the mansion when he's monitoring my health."  Okay, it wasn't a no, wasn't a yes either.  I didn't know how to feel about it.  She'd pressured me to make a move in public, then didn't take the hand I was offering.  She was playing games with me.

"Okay,"  I gave her a slightly hard look to let her know I didn't appreciate that.  "but don't wait too long or they might run out of tickets."

I heard the voice before I stepped into the room and I slowed down and stopped just outside of it.  "It's bad enough she seduced Scott, what is Emma doing with Jean?"  I could hear Bobby's voice clearly.  "That woman was bad news from the start.  The Professor never should have let her start working here.  She destroys anything she touches."

"Jean is too good.  Treating that woman like a friend after what she'd done.  I would have kicked Emma's ass up and down the lawn if it were me."  His voice held more than a hint of his anger.  He'd never liked her, this gave him even more reasons apparently.  

I'm not one to back down from a fight myself.  I stepped into the room and glared at him while I made my way over to the fridge.  Dinner was hours ago and I needed a snack.  I may have lost some of my appetite on the way here but I wasn't going to sneak off.  Bobby at least had the decency to blush and stammer that he had to go.

"I don't appreciate you discussing my life like this."  I shut the fridge a little harder than necessary.  

"I'm sorry, but she stole your husband."

"You can't steal a person.  Scott made his choice, and what happens between us isn't your business, stay out of it Bobby."  If it had been Emma to walk into that she'd have acted like it didn't hurt, but it would have.  I was a bit more straight forward in my approach.  "I'm sick and tired of being the topic of the day.  Doesn't anyone wonder what Scott is going to do or why he's run off with Logan?  Maybe they are getting married as we speak."  Which was hardly believable, but I was irritated at the speculation centering on me.  He ran off leaving me to deal with this, and he'd never acknowledge it.  By the time he came back the worst of it would be over and he'd be spared this.  I didn't bother giving Bobby a chance to respond.  I just left.  The yogurt ended up tossed into a garbage can shortly afterwards.  I lost my appetite completely.

I'd just gotten ready for bed and the knock on the door surprised me.  

"Jean?"  Her voice reached me before I saw who it was.  "can I come in?"  She looked tired, and her voice was soft and quiet.  Had she made a decision already?  I moved to the side and let her in, while looking around the room to see what she'd see.  I really should have tried to hide some of my boxes better.  They were a reminder of how my life was falling apart, and I was a bit embarrassed to have other people see that.


	6. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 : Conflict

She glanced around the room with more than a hint of curiosity evident in her eyes.  I stayed quiet and let her while I leaned against the door I'd closed.  "Do you want to sit down?"  All I had was the bed and a single chair, and I'd wait to see which one she took before I picked.  The room was large enough for more furniture, but I wasn't sure I wanted to make the room more permanent by decorating it.  The dresser was something I needed, or I would have done without it.

Emma took the single chair, so I sat on the bed across from her and waited.  It didn't take long.  "A date?" 

"Yes."  My voice was calmer than I felt.  I hoped she wasn't about to turn me down and was just waiting to do it in private, although that little mercy was a kindness.  Still why would she set me up like that?

"I know a nice little restaurant near Times Square."  Emma gave me a little smile when I couldn't hide my surprise.  "It isn't far from the theater."

"That sounds good."  I watched her eyes glance around at the boxes I hadn't wanted people to see, and her expression softened a bit.

"You aren't unpacking."  That statement held a question in it that she seemed to refuse to ask.  I didn't really want to answer it either, so I didn't volunteer.  The silence was just starting to get awkward when she finally gave up on my explaining myself.  I didn't want to talk about how I wasn't sure I was staying.  I didn't want to pressure her by letting her know I was just waiting for her to make up her mind before I decided to stay or leave.  "I still need Henry to clear me for the night.  He is being a bit overprotective.  He plans to give me a full exam before we can go."

I stared into her blue eyes and glanced down at her lips for just a moment before looking back up.  "We almost lost you.  It may take a while before we get over that."  I didn't try to hide my interest in her features as I took in her pale skin.  "I'm so glad he didn't give up.  Humor his concern.  I'd hate to risk your health."

"I'm feeling much better now."  She spoke softly, tenderness in her voice that I hadn't heard before.  "Well, I should let you sleep.  I'll purchase the tickets tomorrow morning."  Why should she purchase the tickets?  I asked her out.  This was new territory for me.  What do two women do when they date?  Who pays?  Apparently this time Emma did even though I asked her out.  I would have argued that point, but just getting her to agree to go was enough.  Dealing with anything more, like her tendency to toss her money around, could at least wait to see if there was a second date.

It took me a while to fall asleep that night.  I knew this was an audition of sorts.  It wasn't helping with my nerves knowing that.  She was giving me a chance, but she didn't really know me any more than I used to know her.

"Jean?"  The Professor's voice carried down the hall to her with its unspoken command to wait for him.  I sighed softly before I turned to face him.  I'd wanted to get to breakfast early and see if Emma was feeling up to working with me on the new sex education class we'd planned for the fall.  Once he was even with me his voice dropped to that intimate tone he used to show he cared.  "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Professor."

I could tell he didn't believe me.  Our progress towards the dining room was slower as he seemed to be thinking about what to say.  "I'm so sorry to hear about Scott and you dear.  He's… confused."

"No, he's selfish.  Get it right."  I snapped at him once I realized he wanted to make excuses for Scott's behavior. 

"I'm glad to see you've managed to work out your differences with Emma."  I barely kept from rolling my eyes at this.  He was fishing for information.  He probably wondered how I could forgive her and not him.  "Once Scott returns…"

"With all due respect Charles."  I couldn't keep my irritation out of my voice.  "This is truly none of your concern.  I know you feel like a father to him, but he has to deal with the mess he made himself."

"Is this going to affect the team?"  He asked after a moment, searching for a way this was his business.

"Yes, Charles… this will affect the team.  There is no helping that."  All potential actions at this point would affect our team.  Things were going to change.  "If you will excuse me, I see my dining partner."  I spoke as we entered the dining room and I noticed an open seat or several by Emma.  She was still being avoided.  Sometimes my friends and teammates disappointed me.  I barely gave Charles a nod as I escaped his prying.

She glanced up from her newspaper and then over towards Charles' back as he moved to sit in his normal spot, before looking at me again.  Problem?  Her mental touch was soft.

Nothing to worry about.  I sent back as I was sitting down.  "Are you feeling up to working a few hours today?"  I asked, knowing yet again that we were being eavesdropped on.

"I don't know.  What did you have in mind?"  Her voice held a note of teasing flirtation, probably in some part for our audience, but I liked hearing it.

"I was thinking about sex."  I paused to feel the rooms nervous buzz increase, "ed planning.  We still haven't ironed out the curriculum."  I gave her a slight smirk and she chuckled softly.

"Oh, that was a good one."  She took a sip of her tea, "We could meet in my office.  I'm a licensed sex therapist.  Some of my files might be useful."

Warren was sitting a few chairs away, and his struggle with pretending he wasn't paying attention failed him.  "What are you two working on?"

"The unfortunate incidence with Angel getting pregnant made it painfully clear that we are in need of some sexual education on campus."  Emma's voice became just a hint cooler at the interruption of our game, but I wasn't sure the others would notice it.  "If we don't teach about contraception, we might as well start construction on a daycare center."

"Back when we used to have just a handful of students it wasn't such a big issue."  I started to defend our plans before anyone started to argue.  "But this has proven that we can't monitor all of these students, and really everyone should know these things.  If we sent them out into the world without an understanding of their sexuality we really aren't serving them well.  Unplanned pregnancies are hard enough on young people, for mutants it could be disastrous."  I knew the Professor was paying attention to us, and if he thought about this before we gave him our new class proposal it would be easier to get it passed.

We talked politely with Warren while eating breakfast, and as Emma and I got up to leave I noticed his questioning gaze land on me.  Everyone wants to know what's going on with Emma and me. 

I was sitting on her new couch looking through one of the files she'd pulled for us to consider as we worked on this.  The room had been quiet as we both focused on our own tasks for a while, and the silence had become natural.  Her voice cut the easy-going feeling.

"Do you still love him?"  She asked softly.  I sighed as I set the file I had down on the table and looked up at her.  She was curled up in the chair just watching me.  Other people had tried asking me things like this and I'd brushed them off, but it seemed like something that Emma and I should talk about.

"I'll always love him."  I admitted, trying to ignore the stab of pain I felt at saying that.  "We were together for so long; I can't just turn those feelings off."  I took a deep breath to try and keep from letting tears start.  "but I can't trust him, and he obviously doesn't trust me anymore.  If he did he would have come to me to talk.  He went to you."

"He was feeling lost.  He wasn't dealing well with Apocalypse possessing him."

"I'm fucking possessed right now."  My voice rose with my anger at him.  "How could he not realize that I'd understand?  I've spent years with the Phoenix force in my head!  It tells me to do horrible things some times and I have to fight it.  I understand what that's like, but he didn't even think of that."  She was so quiet as she waited for me to say more.  I had the feeling that Ms. Emma Frost was playing therapist with me.  Fine.  "Sometimes when he looked at me, I felt like he either sees who I used to be or this horrible force I could be, but he didn't see me.  Do you know what it was like to feel his fear?  His fear of me."  I stared out the window behind her.  Was it proper to talk about Scott with her?  "No he didn't trust me anymore.  Most people don't, but it really hurt when I realized my own husband was waiting for me to try and destroy the planet.  In his mind he's an Xmen first and a husband second.  He was probably working on contingency plans to take me out if I started to look like I was loosing this battle, but he wasn't trying to help me win it."  I hadn't been this honest about my feelings with anyone in a long time, but Emma was a good therapist.  She knew how to listen.  A part of me was angry at that, because I could see now how she'd managed to seduce Scott.  Why he'd go to her instead of me.  When she sat back to listen, I felt like I was really being heard.

"He had no idea how to help you.  No one does."

"No one's asked."  I spoke softly.  They ask if I'm losing it.  They ask me to try harder.  No one asked how they could help. 

"How can I help?"  Soft words.  I really don't know why they affected me so strongly.  Tears started to trail down my cheeks, and I whimpered just a little.  It was embarrassing.  I'd been waiting for Scott to say those words for so long, and to hear her say them made me feel like a horrible weight was being lifted off my shoulders.  I've felt so alone in this.

"You do help."  It took me a moment to swallow and relax before I could say that.  "You don't treat me differently.  You don't avoid subjects that would make me emotional.  You act like part of me is still human."  I ruined that moment by sniffling and wiping my tears away. 

"So telling you that you're acting like an ass when you act like an ass is helping?"  I had to look up at that.  She gave me a small smirk.  "I'll take that responsibility seriously then."

"It's a pretty big job.  Are you up to it?"  I managed a small smile back as I spoke. 

"I'll try it for a little while and we can see."

Two days later I was spending my nervous energy in the danger room as I waited to hear how Emma's exam went.  Our date was for later that night and part of me was still not quite believing that I was going out with her.  A woman, and my husband's mistress.  A strong woman with unselfish tendencies that she tried to hide or minimize, one that would give her heart completely, if she chose to give it at all, but didn't give it lightly. 

If Emma and I became lovers we'd be true partners.  Things I hadn't even realized bothered me about Scott until I decided to leave him were things she wouldn't do.  Things I realized that Logan tended to do as well.  It a reason for me to not end up in his arms when I knew many people, Scott included, would assume that would be where I'd go.

I slipped into the locker room and was undressing when the Professor's panicked voice rang in my head, XMEN EMERGENCY.

"Dammit."  I hissed as I grabbed the jacket I'd just taken off and started towards Cerebra.  Our date was ruined before it even began.

In death I am reborn, yet again.  I felt the thoughts from Earth and it helped me zero in on the direction I need to go.  Logan looked horrible, but I could sense he was still alive.  Given time he'd wake up.  I focused on returning to home.  I felt anger, plenty of anger at the way Magneto tricked us all. 

No one stays dead anymore.  Magneto was supposed to be dead, but he still managed to come back to haunt us. 

The Phoenix powers seemed to hum in my veins.  The power was free, and I refused to be afraid of it now as I focused on getting back before that old man manages to kill someone I care about.  I could sense Hank was not well.  I could feel Emma's concern for him.  Scott was with our mystery man heading towards the mansion, I don't linger there long.  I didn't feel like allow that particular anger out at this moment.

The ship I'd managed to create out of the asteroid that was supposed to be our one way ticket to the sun took a great deal of thought to control, but the Phoenix consciousness made it as easy as moving Emma's furniture had been.  Still I pushed as hard as I could, because I didn't know when or if those powers would recede, and I didn't want Logan and I to still die in space after all we'd gone through to save ourselves.

I really thought I was going to die.  All the regrets that hit me at that moment made it clear that I wasn't ready.    

Scott, I didn't want to die without talking to him again.  I didn't want our last words to be that argument.  Even though I made it I can't help but feel the regrets just as strongly as I'd felt them an hour ago.  I want, need, closure.  I didn't want to die mad at him, but I wasn't ready to forgive.

And Emma, my thoughts about her had been filled with regrets.  Too soon, it was ending too soon.  With a deep breath I focused on my trapped teammates.  Emma had been rushing to rescue Scott with Hank when the bomb went off, leaving them stranded on the wreck of the plane floating in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  I read Henry's mind to see how bad off they were.  His thoughts were disorganized.  Lack of water in the middle of the ocean was a cruel joke.  It would have been so easy to read her to get this information, so very easy with all this power, but I resisted the urge.

Logan's thoughts became more organized.  He was coming to.  "Have your eyes grown back yet?"  I asked and could feel he understood me.  Just a little longer and he'd probably be healed enough to fight.  Just in time too.

"Jean?"  Emma spoke quietly as she moved closer to me.  Henry was looking over Logan after Emma forced Henry to drink something.  Henry wasn't as bad as I worried he'd be when I picked them up.  His dehydration was relatively easy to deal with.

"Yes Emma?"  I moved the makeshift spaceship more slowly through the atmosphere so I didn't cause damage, but I still was moving quickly towards the city.

"What happened to you?"  She was watching me and I caught her glance around the ship.

"I renewed my resurrection club card again."  A slight move of my hand wasn't necessary to turn the ship slightly, but it was a habit of mine.  The brief silence was full of tension and I knew she had questions.  It took effort to not read them from her mind.  "Scott's already in Manhattan.  I hope you are up for this."  The others were a bit worse for wear, but we didn't have time to stop for anything. 

"Oh, I'm ready."  Her voice was full of cold threat.  All I did was nod, agreeing with her feelings.  Magneto wasn't getting away this time.

Magneto was truly pathetic.  I felt sickened to see him, feeling sure that if he wasn't wearing that helmet that kept me out of his mind I'd have my confirmation that he'd truly gone completely insane. 

Logan was far from the best choice to fight the master of magnetism, since he had the metal skeleton, but he stood toe to toe with him and continued with our plan.  Magneto sounded frustrated when he was called Xorn, and he was irrational from the drug use, perhaps enough for this to work.  When he threatened to rip the metal off Logan's bones I slipped out of the ship I'd been using and lowered to the ground.  He had a city of mutants he was trying to convince he really was Magneto, and I could feel their doubts.  I couldn't touch his mind, but I could touch theirs.  I fed their doubts as I told him to address the people.

"Magneto?"  I spoke so all of them could hear me, and he never seemed to consider that the less than warm welcome he was getting had anything to do with me.  The old Magneto would have made the connection by now.  "You don't look anything like him.  How can you be Magneto when Magneto is dead?"  His new helmet was in his hands so quickly as he rushed to prove who he was and I almost pitied the fool for opening himself up like that when I was right there.  I was about ready to attack when the Professor was there, along with all the others.  His relationship with Magneto was complicated and I backed down letting him handle this.

Scott was there.  He barely glanced at me, his eyes focused on the battle.  When Magneto fell I could sense his pain, his sense of betrayal.  Erik used to be a good man, occasionally.  I barely thought about it as I moved to check on him.  He was laying on the ground, looking moments away from a heart attack.  I could hear him muttering "Yes… I… I… have had enough." 

His hand reaching out to grab mine shocked me.  I hadn't felt that coming.  The sudden thump in my chest shoved the air from my lungs.  Something was horribly wrong.  "What did you do?"  I managed between pained breaths.

His thoughts were full of sacrifice and satisfaction as I fell.  "A lethal electromagnetic pulse.  You're having a planetary-scale stroke Jean!"  I could hear him blaming me for his defeat, for tricking him into taking off the helmet in his mind, but I could also feel panic around me.  "All that power I stored had to go somewhere!"  It hurt.  The pain in my head hurt.

Screams, fear.  "Jean!  Hold on!"  Scott was there, staring down at me, and I didn't know when he'd gotten there.  I blacked out.  He was frantic, shaking me.  It only hurt more.

"no… Scott… no…"  I could hear his mental pain as he blamed himself for not seeing this coming, but I'd missed it too.  After everything I'd been through lately, I was going to die in his arms.  I wanted to tell him not to cry as he screamed out for help that wasn't going to come. 

"Jean, I'm so sorry about everything…"  He was apologizing, and I couldn't die leaving him with this guilt I could feel from him.  I couldn't damn him forever like that. 

Emma, oh God Emma… take care of him.  She was so close and I broke my rule just to touch her mind one last time.  Loved you…

"Live Scott."  Love her.  Don't leave her alone to punish yourself with guilt, I wanted to tell him, but talking was hard and I didn't dare risk more telepathy now.  No one needed to feel me die.

"Don't you dare give up now!"  An angry tearful voice drew my eyes to her over his shoulder.   

"So beautiful."  I whispered to her as I closed my eyes.  I never even got to kiss her.

"Jean!"  Screams, but I couldn't… so weak.  "No!"  Goodbye.


	7. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: Conclusion

"Did it work?"  I heard deep voice asking.  It felt like it was from so far away.  "Annie, is she?"

"I'm getting a pulse."  That voice was closer and definitely female.  I tried to open my eyes, but the lights were so bright I took one glance at the nurse staring down at me and closed them again.  "Jean, Jean, can you hear me?"  She continued and I felt her prying open my lids which were my only defense from the light.

"Ugh…"  I groaned and pulled away just a little in shock.  What was going on?  Did I fall down in the Danger room again?  Everything felt so foggy and confusing.  I gave up the battle to keep out the light and squinted up at her.  I barely knew this woman, but she worked here. 

"Jean?"  I turned my head and saw the owner of the other voice I heard.  Warren.  He was laying on a bed next to mine staring at me, with Henry by his side.  "Oh my God, Jean."  He was slow moving as he rolled off the bed and moved to sit beside mine.  "It worked."

"What," I had to frown a little at the rasp that was my voice, "happened?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"  I didn't care for his answering my question with a question.  Annie helped me sit up carefully when I struggled to do it on my own. 

It took a moment to try and organize my thoughts.  "Magneto was down, and…"  Flashes of pain as I remembered him touching me.  Scott crying…Emma yelling… Logan's scream… flashes of memories that made little sense.

A cool voice from the doorway drew my attention as the soft click of her heels seemed to echo, "You died on us again Jean."  Emma stood at the end of my bed staring at me.  "You died and we waited to see if you'd come back, but you didn't.  This time it was my turn to do a miracle."  She glanced at Warren, who was strangely quiet, and I ignored the touch of Annie as the woman continued to check my vitals.  "We have a healer here that can bring people back from the dead, and no one else thought to call him.  They are so used to you dying they just accepted it."

"Scott?"  I couldn't help but ask.  I stretched out my powers and was a bit surprised at the effort it took.  "He's okay?"

"He's playing recluse now dear.  Hiding away in his trailer blaming himself.  His self pity has really gotten quite tiring."  I would have thought that heartless, but I could look into her eyes and see the truth.  She was worried about him.  Trailer?  I reached out to touch someone's mind outside and Paige was looking at the ruins of the mansion.  It was unliveable.  "Luckily Magneto didn't feel the need to destroy our medlab."  Emma spoke more softly, letting me know she knew what I'd just done.

"How long?"

Henry moved to my side and took over for Annie in checking my blood pressure.  I spared him a glance, but Warren started to talk.  "Emma called me as soon as the phones worked again.  Apparently the magnetic interference took a while to disappate after Magneto died."

"He died?"  It was confusing hearing about how much I missed, and I was still feeling a bit disconnected, like I'd been sedated, but I don't think I had been.

"Logan gave him that warrior death he was hoping for."  Emma moved towards my side, and Annie had to get out of her way.  I could tell the nurse didn't care for that, but I was just happy to see Emma here.  "After he killed you, Logan became a bit distraught."

"We need to give our patient some rest."  Henry must have noticed my blood pressure rising, but I didn't want to be left alone.  "Let's keep this quiet until she's had a nap.  Our loving friends wouldn't be able to contain themselves."

I glanced at Emma and she gave me a soft smile.  "We weren't sure it would work after your being gone for four days, so we didn't tell them what we were doing."  The smile faded.  "Everyone was hurting enough as was.  Get some rest.  I'll see you later."  Scott wasn't going to like that Emma kept this quiet, but I understood why she had, just not how she'd managed.

After a moment Henry was the only one left.  He sat down heavily in the chair by my bed and sighed.  "Jean, I want you to rest and when you get out of that bed it better not be before I release you."

"I haven't even done anything yet Henry."  I gave him a questioning look as I rolled onto my side so I could look at him.

"But I know you, and you'll want to help with the reconstruction.  Once the others find out you are among the living again, I'm giving them all strict orders to not let you."  He wasn't smiling at all.  He stared into my eyes.  "This one was really close Jean.  Warren never tried to heal someone who'd been dead that long and it didn't work the first time.  I really didn't believe it would, but Emma and Warren didn't give up.  Your heart did not want to start."

I didn't know what to say to him, so I just nodded.  I'd be good, not that I felt well enough to go work anyhow, but that had been far to close.

"Do you want me to go get Scott?"  He offered quietly.  I wish he hadn't.  I know Scott was upset, but I wasn't feeling up to seeing him just yet.  He'd want to talk.

"No, not just yet." I felt like I'd pass out any second, and wanted the rest. 

"My God."  I heard it; the loud whisper interrupted my rest.  When I opened my eyes I stared into his face.  He looked stunned, like he wasn't sure this wasn't a dream or nightmare.  "Jean?  I didn't believe her… but… Jean?"

"Hi Scott."  My voice was still weak.  Apparently Emma reached her limit with letting him suffer and told him about this.  I felt better, so I must have had a decent nap, but I didn't feel good enough for this. 

"Oh Jean, I'm so sorry."  His voice cracked as he moved to the side of my bed.  "What Emma and I did was so stupid."  I felt a flash of anger at that.  Here I was coming back to life and he wanted me to forgive him.  It felt rather selfish to me.  I wasn't up for this discussion now, but how could I get out of it?

"Let's not talk about this now."  I was surprised that I wanted to pull away when he took my hand.  I didn't want him touching me, and I hadn't even realized I felt like that.

"I had to get away and think.  You know how I need space when…"  His voice was eager, desperate for me to say I understood.  "I was confused."  He wasn't even listening to me.  I pulled my hand out of his and ignored his surprise that I did that as I struggled into a sitting position, waving his helping hand away.

"When I wanted to talk you left.  I don't feel like talking now."  I glared at him.  "Why is it only you get to make these decisions Scott?  You may be the team leader, but that doesn't extend into our relationship."

"Jean?"  Henry came in a bit quickly, and stopped running when he saw Scott next to my bed staring at me like I'd grown a new head.  "Oh Scott, I see you've found my latest patient."

"And when were you all going to tell me she was alive?"  He had the nerve to sound angry.  That's right Scott, hide behind being leader when things don't go your way, I thought with bitter sarcasm.

"When she was up for visitors, which she's not."  I was surprised to see the doctor stand up tall and stare down my husband.  "Her heart can't take a lot of stress just yet.  Perhaps you should leave and let her rest."  Henry then ignored Scott and moved to my side.  It was interesting to see Scott being treated the way some people had been treating Emma.  As far as I was concerned I was grateful to Henry for putting the blame where it belonged and giving me an excuse to put this talk off.  "Jean, how do you feel?"  He pulled up a chair and sat by my side.  Scott stood stiffly while Henry took his time checking my vitals again.  "I don't like how fast your heart monitor was going.  You need to take it easy."  He scolded me.  "We just got you back, and I don't want to lose you again.  I'm going to restrict visitation on you." 

Thank you  I sent to him as Scott looked nervous and guilty that he'd risked my health.

I'm not exaggerating that much Jean.  Take it easy.  He sent to me then turned to face Scott.  "I'm going to give her a sedative.  Perhaps you should go tell the others the good news, and that I'll send news up when she can have visitors again."

"I could stay…"  He spoke softly and I sighed. 

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."  I spoke gently, but Scott looked like I'd hurt him pretty badly.  He left without saying much after that, and I felt a twinge of pain knowing that he was probably going to Emma.

Once we were alone Henry seemed to relax.  "I can order him away until you're ready."  He gave me a weak smile of support.  "Anyone else you'd prefer to avoid?"

"No… no, I'm fine."

"So our Ms. Frost is still welcome?"  He asked and I looked up into his curious eyes.  Henry was always a smart man.

"Emma's always welcome."  I felt a bit less hopeful that visit would happen.  She had Scott now. "If she decides to visit."

"I'm sure she will."  He patted my leg gently and then reached out to the IV I had in my arm.  "I was serious about the rest."  Was all I heard before the drugs put me back under.

I stared at the television Henry dragged down here for me as it played Beauty and the Beast.  We'd both had a chuckle when he pulled that one out.  He didn't want me watching the news, which did concern me.  Was it so bad he thought it would upset me too much?  Just the thought of it upset me.

I heard the door opened and I tensed up worrying that it was Scott again.  He'd come by to see me earlier and Henry sent him away.  When I saw Emma instead I relaxed.  "So how are you feeling?"  Emma asked softly as she moved to my side.  I noticed that Henry just glanced up from his work across the room and then went back to it.  Not at all the reaction that Scott had gotten.

"I'm feeling a bit stronger."  But not strong enough to leave.  Even I could tell that.  "And Henry hasn't been the best company today, so I'm a tad bored."

"Well, he did promise the government his research dear."  Emma moved to sit beside my bed, making it look like she'd stay a while.  "And I doubt they could read his handwriting."  She glanced at the television then turned to give me a conspiratorial grin.  Her voice dropped just a tad as she leaned closer.  "No dancing furniture for you, at least for a few more days."

I blushed just a bit as I could hear my heart monitor jump just a bit when she did that.  It just felt so intimate having her leaning close to me like that.  "I know, otherwise I would have danced this bed out of here hours ago."

"If I could take you out to the Rose garden I would."  Emma gave me a gentle smile.  "It would have been fair, but you are hooked up to more machinery than I was.  Maybe later."

I gave her a small smile, even though I felt like beaming with that acknowledgment that she wasn't going to abandon me down here.  Maybe there still was hope here.  "That would be nice."

"I could use a break."  She turned to face the television.  "All that digging through the mansion trying to salvage things is hardly fun.  Do you mind if I stay down here and watch the movie with you?"  Like I was going to say no to pleasant company?  She stayed and made the occasional amusing comment about what happened on the screen.  It was the best I'd felt since I woke up again, but I could feel the tension of what wasn't being talked about.  Doubtlessly Emma was told that talking about Scott was off limits, since thinking about him tended to upset me.  I thought people were afraid to upset me before when they were concerned about the Phoenix Force, but this concern about my heart made it worse.

Once the credits started to show Emma stood up and stretched.  "Warren is planning to come down later and give you another transfusion.  We'll see if we can't heal you a bit faster."  She patted my leg through the covers.  "I better get back to work, before anyone realizes that I've snuck off."

"You have to sneak away to see me?"  I asked and noticed the shadow in her eyes for a moment before she covered it.  Of course she wouldn't want Scott to realize that she was visiting me.  It was best if he didn't realize that I was having visitors but he wasn't allowed to be one of them. 

"The school is really a mess.  We are trying to salvage what we can before we start reconstruction."  She sighed, "It gives me a good cover.  As far as everyone is concerned I spent this last hour going through the ruins that were my rooms and came out with nothing salvageable." 

"And my room?"  I could see from the look on her face that it was all gone.

"Once you're up to it, we can go shopping again."  I nodded but it didn't help the sting I felt at losing my photos, and the other things that just couldn't ever be replaced.  I bet if I hadn't moved near the attic some of it might have survived.  Our old bedroom had been on the ground floor.

"I'll come by after dinner."  She spoke softly. 

A nap and another movie later Warren came in to try the transfusion for a third time.  I felt a bit better, and from the look on Henry's face when he looked me over, it was helping.  "A little longer and you'll be up for that stroll in the gardens."  Henry smiled at me and winked.  I blushed at his knowing look, and a quick glance at Warren showed that he didn't catch it.  Good.

Emma's post dinner visit was very brief, and I felt a bit disappointed, but she did promise to come back the next day.

Shortly before lunch Emma came in and my smile slowly faded as I noticed the expression on her face.  She didn't look very happy as she came to the side of my bed.  "Henry can I talk with Jean alone?"  She asked him before talking to me.  I could feel the buzz of telepathic communication going on before he left.  He didn't say anything, but the look he gave me was supportive.

"What is it?"  I asked as I watched her playing with an envelope in her hands.

"I picked up the mail and…"  Emma handed over the envelope she had and I turned it over to see the lawyers office name in the corner, and Scott's name as addressee.  "Are you sure about this?"  Emma asked softly.  "It isn't too late to stop it."

I felt the thick envelope, knowing what papers were in there.  When I looked up I noticed I had Emma's full attention.  "I'm sure."  I spoke quietly. 

"He'll be down here as soon as he gets this."  So she was warning me.  I nodded. 

"Henry thinks I can handle stress now."  I muttered, not that I wanted to handle this particular stress.  I had a feeling Emma had heard that.  I wouldn't doubt that she'd been hiding this piece of mail for a while.  When that suspicion hit me I checked the postage date.  Funny how it was mailed out over a week ago.

"So I should give it to him?"  She didn't sound happy with this, and really it wasn't her place.  I couldn't ask her to deliver my divorce papers.

"No, I can handle it."  I sighed.  I guess it was time to get dressed in something more than a hospital gown.  Could I do this here?  Or should I go up?  Henry had removed the machinery monitoring me after Warren's last visit.

When I started to move Emma moved back so I could swing my legs over the side of the bed.  "Do you think you could wait until I have a chance to talk with him?"  I looked into her blue eyes and could see she'd lost a bit of her pride in asking that.  It confused me for a moment, until I realized what she might need to talk to him about. 

"Okay."  I stopped my movement and just sat there awkwardly for a moment.  She was still thinking about him.  My nightmare could still come true.  At least I didn't have to pack, I didn't own anything anymore.  When she turned to leave I couldn't let her go.  "Emma,"  It sounded a bit too pleading to my ears.  She stopped but didn't turn around.  I took some time to just stare at her tense back.  Truth, now or never… I took a deep breath.  "I died twice that day, and each time I thought of you."

She nodded and I could hear her breath hitch a bit, but she kept moving for the door.  "I just need to know Jean."  Know what?  I thought it but I couldn't ask.  She was already gone.

I could have had dinner with the others.  It was barbeque, and would be for a while, as they all had to rough it.  I was sick of these four walls, but had Henry bring me my dinner anyhow.  I told myself I was avoiding the confrontation with Scott because Emma asked me to wait, but really I was grateful for the excuse.

It didn't stop me from torturing myself with my imagination as I wondered how Emma's talk with Scott would go.  I imagined him telling her that he'd fallen out of love with me, and he wanted her.  That he loved her.  I knew he could be convincing, that he held a certain charm.  I hadn't fallen in love with him in the beginning for no reason, he was attractive in many ways.  Ways that no longer were enough for me, but might be for her.

It was a couple hours after dinner when Emma's mental touch interrupted my crossword puzzle.  Jean, he's on the way.  Her mental voice was so distant I couldn't tell what she was feeling or what might have happened.  I had to push that out of my mind as I moved to change in the bathroom.  I wasn't doing this in my pajamas.

I came out just as the door opened and Scott came in.  He stared at me and my choice of clothes, all I had left really was my uniform.  It wasn't quiet the wrong message, but still far more blatant than I'd wanted to be.    

"Hello Scott."  I spoke as I moved to the chair, not the bed.  I wasn't feeling very good.  My stomach felt rebellious, and my hands shook just a little. 

"I heard you were up for visitors."  He seemed cautious as he studied me.  I noticed his eyes travel to the envelope I was playing with in my hands.  It made me set it down.  I had to work up to that, even if part of me would love to just hand it to him and leave.  I had things I needed to say, things he'd refused to listen to before. 

A quick glance around showed that Henry had left during my trip to change.  Emma might have warned him too.  "I am feeling a bit better.  If I had a room to go to I would have left already, but I figure I have it better here."  I gave him a weak smile.

Scott moved to the side of another bed and grabbed the chair, dragging it over by me.  He seemed a bit subdued this time.  My refusing to see him obviously woke him up to the fact all wasn't well.  I could have waited for him to talk, but the words seemed to bubble out of me.  "You lied to me.  I asked you point blank if something was going on between you and Emma and you looked me in the eye and lied to my face."  He just sat there with a stone expression, like I was some sort of villain whose insane accusations he'd have to endure.  That only fueled my anger.  "How could you think that wasn't an affair?  Did you think I'd approve?  Did you think I'd just look the other way?  No, you knew it would upset me."  I took a deep breath, to try and keep myself from yelling.  His stoic act wasn't welcome.  He was still trying to control this situation, this time with his silence.  "If I'd done something like this, you would have called it an affair."

"I was confused.  I have all these feelings from my possession that…"

"Don't tell me I don't understand you bastard."  I growled at him, and that seemed to startle him.  "If you'd talked to me you would have realized that I understand.  Take responsibility for what you've done.  This I was confused, I made a mistake forgive me crap isn't gonna cut it."

His jaw tensed, "Fine, how about you were turning into something I couldn't relate to anymore?  Do you want to hear about how I felt watching you become this thing?"  He waved his hand at the fire I hadn't noticed burning around me.  The Phoenix Force.  "You were losing your humanity, and I couldn't do anything."

"You didn't even try."  My eyes burned, but I made the effort to pull the fire in.  Thing, that made me sick and hurt in a way I wasn't prepared to deal with now.  "I'm going through just as much if not more than you, and you didn't see me sneaking around behind your back.  I respected you too much to treat you like that, and it hurt that you think so little of me that you'd do this to me."

"How was I supposed to help you?  You were becoming some weird destructive god."

"You should have asked that earlier."  I refused to let myself cry now.  "Instead of sneaking around behind my back.  I had to find out from my students, MY STUDENTS, that my husband was being unfaithful.  Do you have any idea how that felt?  How many on the team knew?  You had everyone lying to me."  I shook my head and stared at him.  "Now I have to wonder where I fit in if even my friends can't be trusted.  Did Logan know?  Henry?  Who was lying to me?"  I didn't expect an answer, but he needed to realize how much this hurt.  How could I live with people that would do this to me.  I wanted to be able to forgive them, and I'd try, but this was more than just Scott's betrayal.  His eyes widened and I imagined he was seeing how this would affect the team, not how it affected me.  How betrayed I felt.

"I didn't ever actually touch her."  His sad excuse just disgusted me. 

I shoved the paper across the table toward him.  "You ran when I needed to talk to you, and you lied to me for months."  I watched him hesitantly pick it up and turn it around to see the return address.  His eyes widened.  The bastard had the nerve to look surprised as he opened it to see the thick stack of papers.  "I would have told you I was considering this but you never called either.  I'm done.  I can't do this anymore."

"Jean."  He stared up from the papers at me, his voice breathless with shock.  "You can't possibly mean…"

"I want a divorce."  My voice shook as I said that.  "You were so fucking arrogant thinking you could just run away and decide what woman you wanted.  I made my own decision."  I glared at him, "And if Emma learned anything from this she'd make the same one.  Scott, you fucked up, and you fucked up big."  I could see his lips press together at my vocabulary, he was always a bit prudish about that, but really, it was the best way to describe the mess he'd made.  I shouldn't bring Emma into this, but I had to say it.  "She needed you, and you abandoned her too.  What did you do to make anyone want you Scott?  You can't treat women like this and expect us to take it.  To wait around for you to decide to love us… it doesn't work that way.  I was planning your mistress' funeral Scott, I was doing that alone.  She deserved better."

He looked a bit stunned at my bringing Emma into this.  "But I do love you Jean.  I made a mistake."  Oh, God… don't tell me he's going to ignore what he did to her.  What he did to her hurt me too, but he wouldn't understand that.  I thought he was a better man than he proved to be.

"That's a shame Scott, because I don't love you like that anymore."  I managed to say it with a cold voice.  My heart screamed at the cruelty and the way his face fell.  I shouldn't have to still love him, shouldn't have to still care.  "It is over.  Just sign the papers."

He took the pen and glared at me, like I was the one to betray him.  He wrote large and sloppy as he barely looked at the papers, and then he tossed the pen across the room in a childish tantrum.  "Fine."  I could see his chin shake a bit as he fought tears and turned to storm out of the room.  I waited another few moments before I finally let my own fall.

Henry didn't come back right away, but he came back quickly enough for me to suspect he hadn't gone far.  His large sad eyes held too much sympathy for me to look at.  "I didn't know, I suspected, but I didn't know.  I'm sorry."  He whispered and my tears started up with more vengeance than before.  I held out my arms and he came to me for a hug.  I clung to him, letting him know that I forgave him. 

It wasn't until very late at night, or early in the morning that something else dawned on me.  Emma had to know that Scott had picked me.  She'd wanted her answer before I served the papers, and it had to rip her heart out.  No wonder I didn't see her later.  I hoped that this wouldn't hurt our relationship, that she wouldn't take this out on me.  It took me a while to fall back to sleep after that, and I slept poorly for the few hours until it must be daylight outside. 

I need to go shopping, I thought as I once again put my uniform on and snuck out around Henry's tired form.  He'd fallen asleep on his desk again.  The elevator had a few buttons covered over in tape, the floors that didn't exist anymore.  I hit the top one, the one that would get me above ground.

Seeing the destruction with my own eyes made it more horrifying.  A path had been made through the mess, but as I got outside and looked back it was obvious the entire building was a lost cause.  The sun was coming up and I could see trailers and tents spread out across the lawn.  I really did have it better in the medlab. 

I was careful as I walked around the tents and moved toward the lake.  I was almost there when I felt I wasn't alone.  Her eyes were staring at the sky like they'd answer her questions, and her arms were wrapped around her as if keeping the cold out.  With her uniform she may actually be keeping the cold out, but she looked so fragile.

"Emma."  I spoke quietly.  She turned a bit quickly, I'd surprised her.  The tears in her eyes made my heart ache.  Scott was a fool.

"He made up his mind."  She gave me a weak smile.  "Foolish boy should have checked to see if you were still on the market."

"I'm sorry."  I took another step toward her.  I'm sorry he hurt her, that she's feeling this pain.  I'm not sorry that he won't have her though, and her slight glare showed that she knew that.

"You were right.  He did just give some lame apology and his decision.  Maybe if you hadn't died in front of him it would have been different, but…"  Her fists clenched and her voice rose a little, "But I died too, and I didn't see him…"  Her tears broke my standstill.  I moved to her, and whether she wanted it or not, I pulled her into a hug.

"He's a fool to not see…"  I muttered softly, and her tense body started to relax, "what I see."

"I wasn't sure I wanted to forgive him, but I did."  She whispered.  "I did, and he just…"

"Well now you know."  It hurt that she'd sought this information out before she'd give me my answer, before she'd consider me.

"That wasn't what I was waiting to know."  She pulled back and stared into my eyes.  "I heard no one could split you two apart, that once he talked to you… you'd work it out.  Everyone was so convinced that you'd work it out."

"Why?"  I didn't understand.  It sounded like the same thing to me.

"Because I hurt you enough.  If you could salvage this, I had to let you."  Emma pulled away from me and took a few steps toward the water.  "We both needed to know what he came up with.  You would have wondered too."

"His decision isn't the one I was waiting for."

She gave a weak chuckle.  "You realize people will talk."  I could see a smile as I moved to stand beside her.  When I reached out my hand, she took it.  We both stood on the waters edge watching the sunrise.


End file.
